Rebecca's Life

Yes guys I am home tomorrow is going to be the best day I get to see my friends and go to tech. Then Friday is another good day because we are having a DDR party at John's I can't wait. Well I will tell you the rest of my Thanksgiving break later bye for now

What the fuck why the hell do all guys have to be fucken assholes. I am so pissed off right now all what I want is to be five years old again and when I had a problem I use to walk into my sister's room and sleep with her and we didn't have to say anything because just the company was good enough. I want to go home so fucking bad I love it here but I just want to go home and see people that are not assholes and don't treat me like shit. That is it I am not going to put my heart on the line anymore and get treated like this I want my sister :'( Thanks for the people that made this evening the best - Amanda, Amber, Clarissa, Eric, Red, and Matt <--- I love you guys

I love this essay it is from Everwood read it and enjoy

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.
I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse.
So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little.
When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do.
But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again.

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amzing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.
~Never Been Kissed~
Now I see everythin clearly I thought you were going to be the last person I kiss in my life but you are not. Now you are off kissing other people and when you did it do you think of me? I don't think so. So we just need to move on because I have found someone else that kisses like the devil and that is a good thing. I need someone that is here holding my hand and making me smile but baby that doesn't mean that I dont love you because I will always love you because you were my first love. I treated you like shit and you always came back to me so just move on and find someone that treats you like god because you deserive it. So just move on but don't forgot the meories because baby I will never forget you.

I just need to say the truth.. I need to get this out. Why do I care for you why the hell do I care you treat me like shit and I still care I am so over you John so you can just deal with it. Why does everyone have a realtionship I know I am happy for you but what the hell does that mean you are over me. I dont want you to be over me don't you understand that you are my rock for everything. You are the one that I trust with my life. Don't you see that if you have someone else we will change. Then there is you the one I care for and I going to change my whole life for us to work maybe this doesnt make sense but I just need to get it out in the open. I am sick and tired of lying I am sick and tired of saying that I am happy for you when I am really not because you are changing and that is fine but it isn't us anymore there is a you and there is a me which is so far away from what we use to be..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM
I wish I could of been home but I promise we will do something over thanksgiving

Today was a okay day got up went to all my class the confusing part of it was when Max called me and said he finally got to meet John from tech. I don't know why I got so confused I can't believe I still have feelings for someone that treats me like shit. Just when you look into his eyes you can forgot everything he has ever done to you. He was the one that missed up my whole relationship with Max and caused me all that pain. Why do I still like him it is so annoying because it has always been about John. When he wants to he can be a really good friend like the first we saw each other this summer I had so much fun I love hanging out with him and when he kisses me it feels so safe and comfortable. Why am I feeling this why do I sitll have pictures of you or of us and look at them and smile is it the memories or that you made me grow up or is it I am still in love with you <--- I guess time will tell.
Anyways latter at night I was talking to Max and some how we ending up doing a 3 way convo with Danny me and max. It was so much fun. I love Danny to dealth. I can never see me dating him he just always know how to make me feel happy. Danny made me forget about all my feelings that I still have for John. Am I ever going to get over him? Only time will let right. I even missed 7th heaven and everwood to talk to Max and Danny I was surprised. Surrabh came over and questioned on all the pictures and love letters I have of Me and Max so sadly I took them down. Later on in the night I realized he wanted it to be me and him only. So I agreed and now we are dating. I am really happy because he is the only guy that makes me feel really good about myself. I mean besides my friends. He spent the night in my dorm. I just love when i wake up half way through the night and see that he is right next to me. This means that I have to see John over Thanksgiving break and fix things with him because I want to be friends but I don't want to like him anymore I really don't. <-- Or Am I Just Lying to myself I guess time will tell....

This weekend went by so fast I am still surprised about it.

Friday-I got home in the evening around 8pm. Which I was happy about because it wasn't too late. I had dinner pasta and meatballs yum!. Then I unpacked the stuff that I had to unpack. It is weird my room looks the same except the walls because I took down half my posters and brought them up to delhi. It felt so weird being home I mean I like it is just weird. I am use to being able to do what I want when i want. I watched the friends last episode and then went to bed.

Saturday- I got woken up around 9 am with breakfast. 9am is so early for me on a Saturday but I slowly got up and ate. Then I ran outside and went over the fence to see Benji I was so happy when I saw that big black body I screamed Benji he turned and ran so fast he knocked me on the mud and starting licking me all over. I love that dog so much. We were playing ball for a while then I was cold so I had to go change and he was crying like I was leaving him but surley I came back. I was outside for at least an hour with him. Then I ran inside took a shower and got into the car and went to harborside. It felt so weird driving. When I pulled into the parking lot it felt so weird because my spot that I liked was open. So I parked the car and went inside. I saw Sandy she was so happy to see me. She put me to work right away. When it started to slow down I saw Rachel Dr. F daughter. She came and sat by me and told me that Dr H wasn't here today. I was upset because I wanted to see Stella so bad. I saw Dr F and he was asking me how college is and when can i come back to work. I didnt think he like me that much. After I left there i went to blockbuster sadly they didnt have the dvds I wanted but I got a few anyways. The confirmation was good long though. The party was good too. Babysiting was a blast I missed Amanda so much. I got home around 12:45 and passed out around then.

Sunday- I got woken up because we were having blueberry pancakes for breakfast. Then after that I got ready to go up to school. We were driving Pam back too. The drive didnt take that long we even stoped off at Wal-mart. I was so happy to be back at school. Once my parents left I called Surrabh to come over. He was over in 30 min and we all went to dinner. It was so good to see him I spent the night over there. Well that was basically it for this weekend later.

Today was such a good day I think the best one since I have been up at Delhi. I had tutoring at 9am so i went to that. Then I came back relaxed for a bit and talked to Max because he didnt have school <--- Lucky ! . It was already the evening before I knew it and I wanted to go over to see Saurabh but of corse I didn't want to go over alone. I wanted Liz to go with me but she had some homework that she had to do so Melissa was going to go over with me. We were going to head over there at 10pm. So until that time I was relaxing, listenting to some of my music, and studying for our anatomy quiz that we have on Friday. It was 10pm and I went to Liz and Melissa's room and they were not there Logan was there. I was like where did they go and he didnt know. So I was waiting and waiting finally I realized that they were upstaries because Pam and her friends were sick and they were puking their brains out. <-- I know nice image sorry guys. Finally I said screw this and me and Logan went to gerry hall. I went upstaries and knocked on Saurabh's door and his cousin let me in. Just the look on his face when he saw me made me go weak in the knee's. He said they were going to watch Rush Hour Two and I was welcome to watch it with them. So I said yes and got on Saurabh's bed and started watching the movie. I was surprised how good the movie was. I didnt get to see all of it because half way through it Logan came in and said Liz and Melissa were looking for you. So I want to go to back and see them. They meet me in the door way of gerry and Melissa was yelling at me to come back and I said no we are watching Rush Hour Two I will be back later. So they left then I went to Logans room to see why Melissa wanted me to come home Liz said she had no idea. I got off the phone with Liz and went back to Saurabh's room and I got to see Drew ,<-- Lucky me! Saurabh was fillling me in on the part of the movie that I missed when i got back. I was sitting on his bed with my back up against the wall and he was a little farther down our legs were touching. Of course I didnt want to be all over the guy. Finally when the movie ended we wanted to watch A Bronx Tale. So we put that movie in and five mintues into it Saurabh pulled me over to him and I was resting on his shoulder. <-- Let me tell you those were nice shoulders. Some how I dozed off during the movie maybe because he was playing with my hair again. All what I remember is him waking me up at 3 am saying they were going to bed and if I wanted I could go back or spend the night there. So I told him that I wanted to spend the night but I had to leave at 7am so I can get ready for breakfast with Erin and Erin so he said okay and got me tucked into the bed. The lights where off and I was laying right next to him he had his body touching mine. For some reason I left so happy there. I feel asleep with my head of his shoulders and my hands around him. Every time I woke up and moved he moved so he can be right next to me. At one point in the morning I woke up and thought it was 7 so I woke Saurabh yup he looked at his clock and it was 6am so I was trying to go back to bed and he brushed in nose against mine and kiss me. It was a peck but it still left so great. I kiss him back and went back to bed. When the alarm when off I told him I had to go and he didnt want me to leave. I told him I needed to get ready for breakfast so Erin doesn't kick my ass. He said he didn't want me to go home for the weekend right there I was about to say okay and stay in his nice warm bed forever. So we both got up and he took me back to my dorm. When we got in he gave me a kiss and said he would come by at 2pm before I go home. Then he left. I got in the shower and got ready for breakfast. I called Erin at 8 am and she was shocked that I was ready. Went to breakfast then my classes. I think I did go on the anatomy. Finally at 2pm I was getting ready to leave. Saurabh came by and I gave him a big ass hug. I left so bad because i was packing and didn't get to hang out with him. Finally when I was done my Dad was there. So Saurabh left I gave him a hug and a hand shake and told him I would come see him on Sunday.. On the ride home I slept the whole way. Dinner omg was great noodles and my mom's meatballs. .. So that basically is all that happened right now I am going to do chem with my Mom. I love being home but i miss everyone from delhi espically Sarah the best room-mate ever, Liz, Melissa, Saurabh,Erin i miss because she rocks my socks !, my wife, and Amber because they are the people that i see the most. Well off to chem for some reason I am happy weird uh Nighterz

I feel so bad that I didnt post what happened yesterday well yesterday. This was my Wednesday.. It first started with Sarah my lovley room-mate telling me it was 8am because I promised Erin I would go to breakfast with her and Erin L. So I got up I even didn't take a shower (eww i know that is wrong) and went to breakfast. It was really good i had my bagel with apple juice. I think I like bagels so much because that is what I use to get every Saturday before working at Harborside.. I miss it so much :(... Then I went to my classes Math at 9am, Anatomy at 10, Intro To Vet Sci at 12am, and Chem at 1pm. I loved Chem because we did mole problems i love mole problems they make me happy. <---- Yes I know i am weird. After classes I came back to the room to take a shower and get some food to eat because Me and Amber were going shopping at 4. We went to Best Yet and got big jars of apple sauce so we can but our Rat intestines and heart in them for my lab on Monday. I am going to safe all the organs hey it is a good study tool. I am really excitied for this dicestion even though I am not a big dicestion fan after you see all the dead animals in the anatomy lab you get use to it. So I am happy about Monday. Then when I came back to the room Sarah and Liz were back from O-Town and got hamsters. :) We have two girls and i got to sex them. That remind me so much of competition I miss it so much. I miss Mrs K and tech so much it was like my home. I started doing some homework and then it was already 5pm and i watched gilmore girls. I only went to dinner around 7pm.. With Amber. I saw Clarissa and her new hunny Eric there and Sir Rob. I love Sir Rob he is so nice. After dinner I wanted to start on my homework but Sarah wanted to watch a scary movie so I needed up in the library. I was there until 10pm and on my cell phone with Max while doing my homework. <-- How bad I am. Then at 10pm I went to see Saurabh because he had RA Duty. I needed to give him pictures from this past weekend. I hope he likes them. I eneded up hanging out there until 3am. I love going on rounds with Saurabh that is when we have good talks. I like to see him try and bust some of the kids. Omg Drew wouldn't leave me alone last night he only left at 1 am. Then when he finally let me and Saurabh were laying on the couch in the RA office it was so comfortable for me for some reason i felt so safe. He had his hand around my stomach and i loved it. Then I feel asleep he was so comfty and smelled so good. The only reason why I passed out was he was playing with my hair and my ears and giving my a back rub omg it felt so good. Then at 3am i got woken up and Saurabh took me back to my dorm and gave me a big hug and a kiss goodnight. I told him to come see me tomorrow and he said okay. When I got in the room Sarah was sleeping so I got into my PJ's in my bed. Then I turned on the tv and passed out I still smelled like Saurabh that is why i had the best sleep ever. I just love the way i feel so happy and free. Saurabh makes me feel so good kinda like what someone use to do but lives so far away now :( I can't wait to go home on Friday but I will miss everyone here but next time Saurabh is on duty is the 29th so I cant wait until then.