So Much Stuff Is Bottled Up Inside Me
So much is going on to much time to think about it. So many emotions are going through my body the last few weeks it is crazy. One moment I can be completly happy then the next very sad. It is crepping me out. It is not like I have a stressful summer so what is causing this ? So what have I been doing to keep myself busy watching Degrassi The Next Generation non-stop. <-- Wow I am such a loser.
I majorly need a vaction just to get out and exit from this little cave I am putting myself into. I don't feel like I connect with anyone anymore. I even really don't have that much fun with my friends as I use too. John came up last weekend and everything went great. I just feel like I screwed everything up. Why do I freak out when he was picking on me we use to always do that. Why does one touch or hug from him drive me crazy all of a sudden. I don't get it at all I feel like I am becoming a different pereson yet again. Did Saurabh hurt me so much at the end of the school year that it made me not even want to look at guys of the fear of getting hurt again?
Then there was this past wednesday when I hanged out with Max, Mike, and Petra. First time I had fun in a long time. But ever since then I can't get Mike out of my head. It just feel like it is the first time in so long that I have forgot my past relationships that got me hurt. I haven't slept at all since then. It is so weird. I feel like the biggest freak. I wanted to do a Kings Park today and see him and figure all this stuff out. He didnt even call or email me back. So yes I was stuck at home for the whole day because today I started taking care of Benji and Daisy. I am happythat I am babysiting Ben And Daisy. I just want to figure all this stuff out. I feel like the fakest person out there and I have no idea why. At least I am going to be busy this week so hopefully time will fly by.
I majorly need a vaction just to get out and exit from this little cave I am putting myself into. I don't feel like I connect with anyone anymore. I even really don't have that much fun with my friends as I use too. John came up last weekend and everything went great. I just feel like I screwed everything up. Why do I freak out when he was picking on me we use to always do that. Why does one touch or hug from him drive me crazy all of a sudden. I don't get it at all I feel like I am becoming a different pereson yet again. Did Saurabh hurt me so much at the end of the school year that it made me not even want to look at guys of the fear of getting hurt again?
Then there was this past wednesday when I hanged out with Max, Mike, and Petra. First time I had fun in a long time. But ever since then I can't get Mike out of my head. It just feel like it is the first time in so long that I have forgot my past relationships that got me hurt. I haven't slept at all since then. It is so weird. I feel like the biggest freak. I wanted to do a Kings Park today and see him and figure all this stuff out. He didnt even call or email me back. So yes I was stuck at home for the whole day because today I started taking care of Benji and Daisy. I am happythat I am babysiting Ben And Daisy. I just want to figure all this stuff out. I feel like the fakest person out there and I have no idea why. At least I am going to be busy this week so hopefully time will fly by.
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