Rebecca's Life

Today was the second day of kennel duty even though it feels like I have been doing it forever and ever. Today I got to work in the cat and dog room it went by fast though so that is always a good thing. At the every end of kennel duty I opened up the dog room door and somehow mashed my other hand (don't ask it was early in the morning) so my right hand by the knuckles hurts. The rest of the day was me sleeping because I am so tired from waking up at 6 in the morning. The funny thing is that I have no idea why I am so tired because I am in bed at 10:30 pm every night. I was happy that I had only one class today. I think this is the best week to have kennel duty considering it is right before break and that 3 of my class were canceled yesterday of the snow so it is not like I had alot of classes. I was very happy after medical math when I heard that Victor is coming home for my birthday weekend. I can't wait I am so excitied to see everyone one.
I was happy when Amanda got out of class early so we went to eat. At the dinner table it was Me, Amanda, Red, and Mike. Half way through I saw Rob and he came over and was talking to us. He was so funny I was making sure I was holding onto my chair so I wouldn't fall off of it. He was ripping on me like no tomorrow of course Mike had to point out that i was blushing and he never saw me act like that before. I don't know it is weird that is the only person up at Delhi that can always make my laugh so hard i have the hick ups. Well I guess I am going to try to go back to bed hopefully I will not be woken up again

Just because my hair color is blonde doesnt mean I am dumb I am not like the smartest person out there but if you do something so childish and immature I think I will find out about it. I really don't understand why people block people online that is basically saying I am to immature to talk to you so I am going to act five. Besides that everything tonight was good I got to rest my voice so it is doing quite good right now. I am ready to go to bed because I have kennel duty tomorrow morning. I am counting down the days until I am home with the people that care about me and don't pretend to care and they really don't night.

So Today was the first day of kennel duty for me. I am so surprised at my self that i woke up at 6:00 am. Walking to the kennels was hard because there was so much snow on the ground and the wind was blowing like crazy and of course I didn't know it was snowing and wore sneakers so my sock were all wet. I got to do the cat room today which was pretty easy. So after that I went back to the room and changed and then went to class I was so happy when I heard that Mr Franks canceled animal care and anatomy because of the snow. I was able to go back to my room and take a shower. I slowly made it to math but for some reason that class always goes by so fast unlike last semester when it felt like two hours instead of one. I was in the room for a an hour and 45 mintues and was very happy about that. Then it was off to english with Pam. Got back from that and called Mr Franks to see if we had anatomy lab and we didn't I don't think Pam has ever saw me that happy in the two years that I have know her. So I have been hanging out in the room and cleaning some stuff up. Now it is off to do some medical math homework type more later .

I dont know what to say anymore I am just speechless so here the plan of attack don't say anything. Why am I trying so hard to impress everyone shouldn't I be trying just to be me? Do I even like the person that I am becoming. All what I can say is I need a break from good old Delhi so I am looking forward to my break this coming friday. 13 more day's until my birthday no matter what I am going to have the best birthday ever and hopefully try to start acting my age. I didn't know that life was going to be this hard or this confusing. The thing that sucks is I want so many answers and I can't get any of them. I guess I will have to let time go by. The crazy thing is when I am around people I am fine and happy but when I am by myself all my problems keep stiring in my head. I just wish I can sit down and get all the answer's I think that would be the best birthday present of all...

Just a quick note to myself so I remember this latter on. DON'T trust anyone that treats you poorly because they are just using you and I am too nice to see it. Also stand up for your self when you are pissed off about something say it stop hiding it because you are to nice/chicken to say something. You are here for the school not the people that are here. Just think how many more months do you have left. Don't let people's view point bug you. And last BE HAPPY !!!

Ever since Tuesday night when I had my nervous breakdown I have been seeing everything clearly. I went to make mends with Saurabh on Wednesday when he was on duty and we needed up playing cards until 12 am. I feel so much better that we are okay now. I even made up with Derk for what happened this past weekend. So I am happy about that. I can't wait until this weekend because I get to relax from having a test every day even though I have two on Monday back to back. <-- Lovely. Right now I just got out of Math class early so I am going to go study for anatomy because I have that test in 20 mintues. Oh Me and Amanda are each giving something up for lent I am giving up drinking Rebecca is going to be a sober person until Easter I don't think it would be that hard the only reason I am doing it is because Amanda thinks I can't do it. Well this weekend will be easy because Friday and Saturday I am going to be in the RA office and Sunday night I never go to parties plus I think the gramys are on so I think I will watch that. Well that is all for now later

I feel bad that I haven't written in this thing is such a long time I have just been so busy. Anyway getting back to why I finally sat in front of my computer to write in this thing. I am offically just experiencing a nervous breakdown I started one with Max and then finished up with my Mom. I had no idea that school was going to be so hard and everyone thinks it is fun and games. How can you be able to study and have a social life so you will not be the loser that has no friends. Being on academic probation sucks because you are already stressed with everything going on and now you have this other downer on you. It is just lovely! I feel like everyone is mad at me and nobody likes me here.. I have no friends at all they are all four hours away at home. Yeah I hangout with people here but they don't understand me at all. It is so annoying. I am praying that I can make it until the February/March break because I will be home and everything will be fine I will be able to see Benji and Amanda and my family and friends. It is weird because I have a better social circle up here than back home and I want to go home I guess because those friends seem real to me I feel like everyone up here is just one big joke that they dont get me at all. The thing that hurts the most is I dont have anyone to talk to because I feel nobody will understand me I just feel so alone and lost right now. I just wish I can go back 10 years and still be that little girl without a worry at all. If only.....