Rebecca's Life

This past weekend was okay I watched Dawson Creek all weekend along. Finally yesterday I got my DDR game so I have been playing it all yesterday and all today. For some reason it make me feel better. I remember all the times when I use to play it at home with all my friends in Petra's hot sticky basement. When I was playing yesterday Saurabh was looking at me play it. I am trying to get over what happened last week all what i can say is 8 more days until Saurabh and me talk.

Last night was one of the worest nights of my life. I have never felt so hurt by the two people that I really care about. What am I suppose to do? Just go on with my life like nothing has happend? It hurts to think about it, it kills me to talk about it, I can't believe it is over. So here it goes......
Last night before I went to the RA office I was talking to Max online and I just found out that he has lied to me about something major for a whole month. I dont think I can ever trust him again. So I thought I can go to the RA office and see Saurabh and everything will be okay boy was I wrong! He told me that what we have been having the last four days is completely over. The he likes me but not as much as he use to and he has tried really hard to give me another chance. Four days I think is not a long time but whatever. I can't be mad at him even though I was. It felt like a big bomb hit me all over again. I just had to leave the RA office the last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry. So I go back to my room and just sat on my bed and just cried then I picked up my shirt from last the night before and it smelled like him so that just made me cry even more.
It was 12:30 am and I couldn't go to bed so I called him and told me that we needed to talk so I went over there. We solved nothing at all just like old times. I felt like such an asshole because he is telling be how much he liked me and how much I hurt him last semester. I didn't know what to say I was just speechless because the last thing I want to do is hurt him. He has this two dices with words on it and we were roling them and two times it landed on kiss me now and once on kiss me never. All what I wanted to do was run up to him and give him that big hug and kiss that I have been dying to give him all day.
I was going to go so I gave him a hug and that last for a mintue and he said I can't hug you because when I do I want to go back out and I can't do that. That just made me even more confused. I don't know what to do because I want to be friends with him but I can't. Every time I look at him it is a more than a friend way. It was 3 am and he said do you want to sleep over and I said yeah and he was like okay just let me change and I was like okay so when I got back into his room he is like we can't do this and I am like oh okay. I need to know what to do because I am so lost and so hurt I am speechless. I just can't wait until this weekend I can just sit in my room and cry.

Directions:Think About Them One At A Time Before Going On To The Next One...

1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.

3. A hot shower.

4. No lines at the supermarket

5. A special glance.

6. Getting mail

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

11. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)

12. A bubble bath.

13. Giggling.

14. A good conversation.

15. The beach

16 Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.

17. Laughing at yourself.

18. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

19. Running through sprinklers.

20. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

21. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.

22. Laughing at an inside joke.

23. Friends.

24. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

25. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

26. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).

27 Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

28. Playing with a new puppy.

29. Having someone play with your hair.

30. Sweet dreams.

31. Hot chocolate.

32. Road trips with friends.

33. Swinging on swings.

34. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.

35. Making chocolate chip cookies.

36. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.

37. Holding hands with someone you care about.

38. Running into an old friend and realizing
that some things (good or bad) never change.

39. Watching the _____expression on someone's face
as they open a much desired present from you.

40. Watching the sunrise.

41. Getting out of bed every morning and
being grateful for another beautiful day.

42. Knowing that somebody misses you.

43. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.

44. Knowing you've done the right thing,
no matter what other people think.