Rebecca's Life

I Love This Song... Just been thinking about my realtionships with friends mostly with Saurabh. And This is what I came down too. here it is .....

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help to fix myself
Your making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself
I can't help your fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help your fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

~Papa Roach~ ~Scars~

So much is going on to much time to think about it. So many emotions are going through my body the last few weeks it is crazy. One moment I can be completly happy then the next very sad. It is crepping me out. It is not like I have a stressful summer so what is causing this ? So what have I been doing to keep myself busy watching Degrassi The Next Generation non-stop. <-- Wow I am such a loser.
I majorly need a vaction just to get out and exit from this little cave I am putting myself into. I don't feel like I connect with anyone anymore. I even really don't have that much fun with my friends as I use too. John came up last weekend and everything went great. I just feel like I screwed everything up. Why do I freak out when he was picking on me we use to always do that. Why does one touch or hug from him drive me crazy all of a sudden. I don't get it at all I feel like I am becoming a different pereson yet again. Did Saurabh hurt me so much at the end of the school year that it made me not even want to look at guys of the fear of getting hurt again?
Then there was this past wednesday when I hanged out with Max, Mike, and Petra. First time I had fun in a long time. But ever since then I can't get Mike out of my head. It just feel like it is the first time in so long that I have forgot my past relationships that got me hurt. I haven't slept at all since then. It is so weird. I feel like the biggest freak. I wanted to do a Kings Park today and see him and figure all this stuff out. He didnt even call or email me back. So yes I was stuck at home for the whole day because today I started taking care of Benji and Daisy. I am happythat I am babysiting Ben And Daisy. I just want to figure all this stuff out. I feel like the fakest person out there and I have no idea why. At least I am going to be busy this week so hopefully time will fly by.

This week has gone by so fast. I can't believe it is soon going to be the second week in July. This week was good because Victor came up to New York so I was hanging out with him and friends like every day. You know you have weird friends when they want you to sing and they are recording you at the same time. Yep that is Meg for you so there we are singing to the Little Mermaid and The Lion King. I was having so much fun at the moment I thought life couldn't get any better. We played alot of DDR when I got home by feet had pin and needles. John called me then and I looked at my cell phone and I saw that I had one voice message. So I checked it and it was from Marcus, I was so happy to here from him I miss him like crazy.
On a sad note my grooming job is done with Liz broke her back so they are closing the store down. When I heard that I was so sad Taz one of the owner dogs just stoped barking at me. :( So I only have tech. Liz says she wants me to babysit Amanda one day a week so that will always be good. I think I need to find another job. It was Amanda's birthday yesterday. She is getting so old. Her grandma got her these high heels I almost cried because I still remember the little baby Amanda throwing food at me. It is so scary how much life has changed in the past few years for me. I can't believe that I am already 19 years old.
Last night my Dad had over someone he does business with and his daughter Jade. Somehow Gilmore Girls was talked about in the conversation. And My Mom said that I love that show. So I took Jade to my room and we watched some of them. After they left I realized how much I miss having someone to hang out with at home. Me and Sarah use to do stuff together. We always use to go to Northport and get ices. Maybe that is why I still always do it with Petra. I understand that she had to leave the house and it is part of life but I really do miss her. I can't wait until I get to go up there and she her and Ryan. It would hopefully get my mind off all these problems stirring in my head.